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Written by Administrator
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Tuesday, February 09 2010 |
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For those of you who might be checking this site, I've been gone for a while, a long while. I suffer from seasonal depression, though it has only little to do with the weather. Since Daniel went to prison almost 10 years ago, the last four months of each year are equally difficult for my husband and me. Though we have reasons to celebrate throughout the year, September brings both our birthdays, October is our anniversary month, and November and December carry in the holidays, which to Daniel and me mean family, and memories. As badly as we miss each other every other day of the year, it is especially lonely to face these special days away from each other.
So launching the site in September as I did was, in some ways, foolhardy, but still necessary given the other time considerations, and celebrations, of Daniel's release anniversary date and the 1-year birthday of our grandson Kaleb. Yet, as the depression sank in, and I began to feel defeated and beat up, it seemed as if I felt a self-induced pressure to keep it updated and I just wasn't up to that...that and the fact that I felt I had nothing positive to say, contributed to my decision to bring the site down.
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Written by Administrator
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Thursday, September 10 2009 |
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There are times when it all seems too much, when I just know I'm at my breaking point. On the phone with Daniel, things like "I can't take it anymore," or "This is too hard baby, way too hard," come out of my mouth, and he can feel the despair which creeps into me like a suffocating fog. During one such dark day, Daniel asked me to download and listen to this song, really listen to it. I didn't remember the song by name alone, but when the mournful whistling began, so did my tears and I wept and wept. See, I would never give up. I can't. It's simply not an option. Nor can I imagine not being there when Daniel's released; I've waited far too long to feel him in my arms again. Daniel knows this. But he also knows that sometimes I just need him to reassure me, as only he can, that it's coming...and soon, and all I need is just a little patience. Daniel is teaching himself how to play the guitar, and he longs to play this for me at our wedding, when we renew our marriage vows before God. And, because of His great love for me, God's given me one more thing to look forward to.
Patience by Guns N' Roses |
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Written by Administrator
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Thursday, September 10 2009 |
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When I heard Look at Us for the first time after my husband went to prison, I felt that God had given me yet another personal gift, that this was meant ~ written even ~ to be our song, even though it had come out more than 10 years before. Early on, with the conviction firmly in my heart that God had chosen me, unlikely as that seemed, to be a pure and faithful wife until my husband returned home to me, I knew the years ahead would be hard and lonely. Yet I was not quite prepared for all the ways that the Lord was going to continuously stretch and challenge me, spiritually and otherwise. And so yes, there were moments when I had doubts, not in God, but in myself and my ability to see anything through to the end. All my life I've been a better starter than a finisher; so my doubts were not totally unfounded. As the days, months and years have slowly ~ and I do mean slowly ~ fallen behind us, God has been continuously faithful to remind me of how much I've endured, how much I've survived already, and because I am called in His name and according to His power, I will persevere this time too, and when Daniel and I dance to this song at our wedding, though it will be us that our family and friends may be looking at, who they'll actually be seeing is God.
Look At Us by Vince Gill |
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